The small cork board tacked to the wall is dotted with notes of to do items and reasons why we want to do them. And magazine clippings of waterfalls and hopes of traveling to intriguing places and community festivals.
Would you believe I have an entire shelf full of journals (some of which I may combine in typed form for my kids some day, just not now)?
Much of journaling is a purge of thought and feeling, pondering the what if and stewing in the oh I should have done that differently, peppered with the by the way I forgot that and yes, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
I have written prayers and written the answers to the prayers. I have questioned my existence and also praised God for it.
And I am in this season of hey I want to go see a splendid teapot race, I want my picture taken in front of real magnificent sunflowers, I want to paint rocks and finish writing the two books I am working on.
(Make believe counselor yawns and the glasses slide to the end of said nose. No not really. But maybe everyone needs a life coach. Maybe that is a good idea for me to pursue.)
Our church has a Stephen Ministry.
(Look up the concept .. Episcopals offer it as a way of tending the flock of parishioners through either trying times or maybe just because they need an ear, a voice, a sounding board that is impartial.)
I have used one before and she helped me for months to navigate a number of questions rolling through my head.
What I want to know is this:
Why don’t we talk? Why is everyone so bound up in hey let’s keep this all surface conversation (i.e. wow the weather is crazy lol, as one example.)
I do have friends where the conversation is two sided. I am blessed with my family and my bestie and a small circle of other super close trusted friends. I know I could call any one of them and they can do the same.
But I am talking about every day life.
Once upon a time, people talked a lot more than they do now.
(This is just my opinion. You may have a different opinion and perspective and I respect that because we are all different and perceive things differently. And we can grow by sharing perspectives. I have a couple friends known as my voices of reason. Not every friend you have needs to have the exact same life knowledge or approach as you to be a blessed friend.)
Some days I find myself longing to hear people share their true hearts and feelings, and stories of the past and dreams of the future.
Or maybe they are, and I am distracted, chasing the pondering of my own heart.
Maybe I just need to listen.
And then maybe I would hear.
Add that to my list of goals.
To listen more, and observe more, and let myself enjoy this moment of life as it unfolds.
Whether in the coffee shop, or nestled in a book over lunch, or on my knees at the garden shop checking out the half price gardenias.
I might be on to something here.