The conversation started off with the usual, “How’s it going,” and other small talk among friends. It was one of those evenings when you sort of do Facebook, text, and watch TV – all at once. I got an instant message from a friend who needed help.
Here is a central truth: No one person can “fix” another. But we all do a whole lot better, don’t we, when we have someone to talk to, or vent, etc.
My friend had a week of what they considered failures and setbacks. All the cards, they said, seemed to be stacked against them. Been there? So have I.
“I see other people on Facebook,” my friend said, “who have families. If they are a guy, they pose with their wives or girlfriends, if a woman, their boyfriends, husbands, or kids. But I don’t have family.”
And we talked about that.
I told this person about another friend I had, whose name I will call Dixie for the sake of privacy. Dixie had a few bad relationships, and her motto became “get cash, not guys.” So she worked 4 jobs! (She only had like, one night off, I believe.) And did this for a couple of years.
If you looked at Dixie’s Facebook, you did not see a significant other. But you saw all of her friends .. the most eclectic group of people I have ever seen. She was amazing. I told her one day, if I could describe her in one word, it would be “friends.” They were her life.
And a funny note. “Get cash, not guys.” She had on her desk a calendar. She paid her parents $200 a week to live at home. One day, she gathered all of us and decided to show her new purchase. A car. Paid in cash. “Cash, not guys,” I said, laughing. She made a choice to go after her dreams. A car that was paid off, while all the rest of us were laboring with that car payment.
Anyway, back to my instant message. I told my friend that it seemed to me they were a lot like Dixie. While they are untethered by a romantic relationship, they do, indeed, have friends. And close family members.
I could so relate to the idea of comparing yourself to someone else. I have in mind some days, one vision of what I would like to look like, or accomplish. And you see someone else and think, what on earth am I doing wrong?
Compare not thyself. We all have our own journey. Even if someone does not have a significant other, it does not make them a “less than.” There is freedom and joy to be had, for the choice. You are not less of a person because your life does not look like someone else’s.
A project: for anyone who feels like they do not have a significant life. Get a bulletin board. Gather photos of people who you care about, who love you in return. Clip quotes out of magazines and online that fit your mantra. Collect things that make you smile when you see them. Assemble them all on a board. Hang the board somewhere where you will see it every day. You are you. Precious and loved by God. Unique. Gifted. Wonderful.
Happy Sunday all 🙂